


We are enough

by poeticalscience



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s11e03 Plus One, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 01:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticalscience/pseuds/poeticalscience
Summary: There is so much going on beneath the surface during Plus One. Mulder's thoughts while he's in bed with Scully during the episode.





	We are enough

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was originally going to be part of a much longer fic I'm working on, but I recently realized it didn't quite fit in there anymore, so I reworked it a bit and decided to post it on its own.
> 
> Not beta'd, mostly because I lack the interpersonal skills to meet someone willing to do it - even over the internet - but if you want to give me any feedback (politely, of course) I would welcome it.

"Can you hold me?"

"Yeah. I can do that," he hears himself say, drawing back the covers to make room for her. He was stunned at her request. For Scully to come to him seeking comfort was rare enough, for her to ask for it outright was unheard of. Something about this case must have really spooked her.

She climbs into bed, and he wraps his arms around her. He feels her presence like a balm on his soul, a feeling of contentment that has been absent for far too long.

She starts to talk, expressing her fears about growing old. He does his best to reassure her, but finds his words woefully inadequate to express what he sees in her. And how could they not be? With their relationship as rocky as it has been over last few years, it was difficult to know how much he should and shouldn't say. Even if they'd settled into a comfortable friendship again - reminiscent of their early years together – he still fears that to express the true depth of his feelings might scare her away again. So, instead, he makes an inadequate joke and try to express all that was left unsaid simply by his presence.

"What if you meet someone?" She says, and his heart nearly stops. Doesn't she know? But then she goes on, talking about kids, and she's almost talking in code. Like she's trying to express her fears and inadequacies without stating them outright. It's not about him, it's about her, and what she feels she's kept him from due to the truth is she's made and the ones forced on her.

He counters her fear with his own– the thought that has haunted him since she left – that _she_ could meet someone else. He tries to lend her a fraction of the confidence he has in her. She _could_ find a way to be a mother again and if she put her mind to it. His heart breaks when she says she has no one to have a child with, even though he knows she doesn't mean to hurt him. She's right, anyhow. He's unsure enough about the state of their relationship without trying to bring a child into that.

He sighs in relief when she changes the topic, talking about the shitstorm the world has become over the last few years, and the possibility of losing their jobs.

"We'll think of something," she says, a hopeful note in her voice as she turns towards him. She smiles as she says it, looking at him with such hope – such _trust_ that it makes heart melt.

"Scully…" He whispers, and he just _has_ to lean in and kiss her on the forehead. It would be torture not to, having her so close."I'm not going to meet anyone else, Scully. There is no one for me but you; there hasn't been for the last twenty-five years. You're it for me. You have to know that."

"I do," she whispers. "I know that. I even believe it sometimes. I didn't really mean…" she trails off, looking away from him as she struggles for words. "I just… lately, I feel so… guilty, sometimes."

"About kids? About William?"

She nods. "You would've been such a great father, Mulder. I'm sorry you never got the chance."

He sighs. "I'm sorry, too. For us both. But you don't need to feel guilty. I don't blame you. You know that. We've talked about this before, Scully. Remember what I said?"

She nods again. "That… I am more than what was done to me. That this was enough – _we_ were enough."

He nods. He also told her that _she_ was enough, that she was everything. This was when they'd been feeling particularly low – on the run and still reeling from the loss of their son. He decided to focus on what he _did_ have and had told her that he'd given up the X-Files and his freedom and would gladly sacrifice anything else, including the possibility of more children, if it meant having a life with her.

"But we haven't been," she was saying, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Haven't been what?"

"We haven't been enough. We – I… I left. I couldn't take it, and I left. And I feel awful about it, but at the same time, I _needed_ it. I'm sorry we haven't been enough."

"You have _always_ been enough for me, Scully. I was… upset when you left, but I do understand. None of that changed how I feel. We _are_ enough. I've just been waiting for you to figure it out for yourself."

She looks at him with tears in her eyes. "I… I miss you, Mulder," she confesses.

"I'm right here," he whispers.

"I know," was her almost silent reply, before she closed the mere inches separating them and kissed him period

Surprise turned to desire as he kissed her back, trying to put all the feelings he couldn't voice into the kiss.

For too soon, she broke the kiss, gasping for air. But Mulder was undeterred, enthusiastically expressing his affection now that he was sure she would accept it. "Another thing," He said between kisses to her jaw. "You are _not_ old," down her throat, "you are the same beautiful," behind her ear, "gorgeous," her eyes, "sexy woman," her nose, "that you were the day I met you." And his lips met hers in another searing kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Afterwards, Scully curled up against him and fell asleep. He looked at her, contemplating. Of course, one night would not fix everything between them – they still had many long talks ahead before they could get back to what they were. Maybe they can never get back, but they could make themselves into something new – something _better._

But those were problems for tomorrow. Banishing difficult thoughts, he resolved to enjoy her presence for the moment and let tomorrow take care of itself.

He returned his attention to the woman at his side. She was so beautiful and peaceful like this, all curled up asleep. These quiet moments, more than anything, or what he had missed when she left.

Making love to Scully was a religious experience, no question, but there's something about this time after. Being this close to her as she sleeps, and knowing that he is the only one afforded the privilege. It spoke to the level of trust between them in a far deeper way than anything else they could do together.

He might not have known what exactly she was thinking this evening, or what exactly tomorrow would bring, but he knew he had her trust, and for him, that was enough.


End file.
